This week, I’m officially five months out of surgery, and I’m both farther behind and farther ahead in my recovery than I had anticipated. Five months ago, the day I fell on the ice, I would have never anticipated still being so limited the much later, but when I finally got out of the boot only a month ago, I was afraid I would still me much more limited than I am now.
When I went back to the fracture clinic this week, the med student I saw was expecting me to have done some more high impact activities by this point, but also wasn’t expecting my mobility to be as close to balanced on both sides as it is.
It seemed like he was also expecting me to be in more pain and less mobile than I am. That said, I’m still not quite as active as I would like to be, and not as active as a lot of people are at this point in their recovery.
Every day I’m trying to maintain my perspective. For everything I’m behind on, there’s something I’m ahead on.
Everyone’s recovery is different, but I’ll get there, even if some things take me longer than the average person.
I’m in shoes that aren’t sneakers today. I’m not in pain. I can do a single leg calf raise, and I can just about squat again. I’m taking yoga regularly, even if it’s hard.
This past weekend I even managed my first day doing 10,000 steps.
Before my surgery, that was a baseline. I expected myself to walk that much EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Right now though, 10,000 steps is too much, and I learned that the hard way. I walked for hours, including in deep, unstable sand on a hill, and even though I made it through the day, it left me aching and sore the next day (or two), but I did it. The only way to learn where my limits are is to push them, to push beyond them and then scale it back.
That said, I think it’ll be a while before I’m walking 10,000 steps a day again. That doesn’t mean I won’t walk, it doesn’t mean I won’t do what I want to do, but I will be aware of myself and my body.
I’m working on listening to my body. I’m not great at it, but it’s a skill I’m developing.
If I’m ever going to get back to the level of fitness I’d like to be at, if I’m ever going to do the activities I love again, I need to learn not to fear pain. That’s easier said than done, don’t get me wrong, but I’ll do it. I’ll feel like myself again and do everything I want to.
It’s going to be a long time before I’m back to 100%, but for now, doing some of the things I love will have to be enough. Small steps will have to be enough. Slow progress is still progress, and that will have to be enough.